Rid Me of Myself...PLEASE!!!

Hi all!  So, in my last post, (about 2 1/2 months ago:( ), I spoke of how I need to stop letting myself get in the way of God's work.  It's not by 'my' might, nor by 'my' power, but by His spirit, that things are accomplished in this life...

Well, guess what!  I am back to let you know that I definitely HAVE NOT mastered that skill!  UGH!!! 

Last month at church I got to sing "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong.  I love the lyrics of the chorus;

"Lead me to the cross

where your love poured out.

Bring me to my knees

Lord, I lay me down.

RID ME of MYSELF

I belong to you,

...

Lead me to the cross."

That chorus has been my prayer since about September last year, when I was dealing with some insecurities...(we'll save all that for another post, though...aren't you excited!;))...It's crazy how the words "rid me of myself" are so powerful, and I can feel so passionately about them, praying them night and day, and yet, when I allow myself to be distracted by life all around me, I can almost instantly fall prey to Satan's lies and forget who is really in control of my life. 

Whether those distractions come in the form of crafting, exercising, insecurities, or hurt feelings, (and believe me the list goes on and on...), I am continually finding myself crawling back to the cross, humbled and full of shame over the fact that I allowed myself, once again, to step in the way of God's work. 

Recently, I've found that that very same conviction can catch up to me while actually trying to be a vessel for His work!  Really!? I am trying to help, by allowing Him to guide me, and I STILL mess it up!?  Heaven help me!!

Last week I was given the opportunity to talk with a friend of a different faith than mine.  This friend is beautiful, and kind, and truly has a servant's heart.  Because she is of a different faith, and I am uneasy when it comes to some of her beliefs, I thought it might be good for us to meet and discuss, so I could try to make sense of it all, or be used to plant seeds if that's what God had in mind.  I've been praying like crazy, for almost 3 years now, for an opportunity like this one, to be able to abandon my fear and just speak boldly, but GENTLY for the Lord.  To share, and ask questions because I don't want anyone to be deceived.  So, to prepare for our meeting, I studied the books of her faith a bit, and tried to search for neutral resources to keep me from being biased because let's face it, if I'm the one being deceived, I don't want anything to stand in the way of finding the truth.  I prayed and prayed, AND prayed, and then the day came...

And plant seeds I did, right???...well, to be perfectly honest, I think it was more like smacking her with my shovel!!  Every time I heard something that, to me, sounded ridiculous or even a bit blasphemous, I would become defensive and try to point out exactly why that was wrong.  Don't get me wrong, I believe there may be a time and place for that kind of defense of scripture, but to invite a friend into my home, for a neutral conversation about faith, and then desperately try to make her see things my way...notice I said "my" way;)...I was wrong.  I can't pick and choose which fruit of spirit apply to each conversation I have, I need to remember to embrace each of them, always.  If I am going to allow God to lead my life, I can't leave Him out of it because I feel that my foundation is being threatened.  Just because I feel defensive doesn't mean that He does.  If I know that my foundation is built on the unchanging truth that God delivered to us through His word, what is there to defend?  So what if someone doesn't agree with me.  How can I ever set the example that Christ set for us, by inviting someone to come into my home and then forcing them suffer through my rudeness?  

The real truth is that God loves my friend and all people of her faith just as much as He loves me and all people who share my beliefs, and everyone else for that matter.  If I am going to do Him any justice, I need to remember that He doesn't need me to defend Him, but instead to be a gentle example of His heart.  He is the only one who knows every heart, and it is He alone who will judge in the end. 

Matthew 7:14, 21-23 says, "For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it...Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my father who is in heaven will enter.  Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name cast out demons and in your name perform many miracles?'  And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; Depart from me you who practice lawlessness."  SCARY!!! 

While I believe this scripture is also speaking of false religion, I know that it is just as plainly speaking to those of us "Christians" that think we are any better than those who believe differently than we do.  God doesn't play favorites.  We were all made in His image and His desire is for each of us to choose to love and follow Him.  Bashing people of different faiths, either directly or by sarcastically sharing their beliefs with others, is NOT lovingly following the example Jesus set for us.  And I am very much guilty of that. 

Needless to say, I have spent much time over the last week reflecting over my behavior.  I've even sought advice from Christian friends and family members to see if they thought I was wrong.  And, they are right, standing up for God is never wrong.  But I also know what's going on in my heart.  I know what God is trying to teach me.  I realize that I need to separate religious debate from loving conversation amongst friends.  To be effective, I have to know my audience and act accordingly.  By saying that, I don't mean that I need to change my beliefs or adjust the gospel to make it more palatable.  I simply mean that God made me soft spoken for a reason.  He may stretch me, but I don't think He's trying to turn me from an Andrew into a Peter. (Yes, Kent, I remember that sermon!;) )  I just need to be bold, without being harsh.  I don't need to be defensive.  I can quietly point people to scripture and allow God to speak for Himself. 

But, will I ever truly learn???  Thankfully, the answer to that question is "absolutely, YES!"  I will learn.  I will continue to mess up, but God is a forgiving God.  (Even if I make the same mistakes over and over, I really am trying!!  I promise!!) I look back on other changes in my life.  They didn't happen over night, and occasionally they still try to creep back in, but because I've allowed God to teach me, and help me grow, I can look forward with confidence that this area in my life will, too, be molded into the shape God desires, if I let Him.  I will learn this.  And, when I have, I am certain that God will reveal yet another area of imperfection for me to stumble over for a bit, or a decade, or however long it takes to get through my arrogance so that I can be refined and purified for the day that I finally stand in His AMAZING presence.  Until then, I will keep reading my Bible, and praying for His wisdom and strength.  And I will not allow Satan to have my peace in the meantime, because I know that God loves me right where I'm at, flaws and all! 

And guess what!!  He feels exactly the same about you too!  Don't be discouraged if your life isn't turning out exactly as you've planned.  Don't let Satan feed you his lies today.  God is bigger than the boogie man!  (thank you Veggietales!)  He can take even the worst of our decisions and use them for His glory.  My prayer is that you find peace embracing that truth today. 



It's Not By Might, Nor By Power

Right around Christmas time, I decided it would be a good idea to craft...A LOT...sign up for a few boutiques and try to earn some money to pay a couple of bills or use for Christmas shopping.  Makes sense, right?  I prayed it over, and went on my merry, crafting way.

My kids learned to eat dinner at the coffee table.  My son, who is being homeschooled, learned to do schoolwork next to the dining room table, (that's the table we usually use for schooling purposes), and my husband wondered if the mess would ever go away.  I felt more and more guilty, all the while convincing myself (or trying to anyway) that God wanted me to do this for them.  "I" was 'helping.'  So if we suffered through a bit, "I" would be able to relieve some of the financial burden of the holidays.  "I" was going to fix it!

Three boutiques, and several hours of work, later I had made a little bit of money.  Would it cover one bill?  Sure.  Was it worth the time, energy, and frustration?  Never. 

I felt so discouraged.  I kept praying and asking God why it wasn't working out.  Didn't He know my heart?  Didn't He want me to help out financially?  Didn't He understand how frustrated I was? 

A friend of mine, before the final boutique, had said something that really hit home. "If God only wants me to make $20, then that's enough, because He knows $20 is all I need right then."  So true.  I kept reminding myself of her words and praying that God would help me to accept them and let go of everything else.

The kids and I enjoyed listening to Psalty's Christmas Calamity during the holiday season.  An album I listened to as a little girl, and a message that I pray I can hold on to forever...It's not by (my) might, nor by (my) power, but by HIS spirit that problems are resolved.

On the cd, Psalty and the kids run into a little dilemma when they are trying to rehearse songs for their Christmas Eve service.  They try everything, except prayer, to fix their problem.  After the kids go home, discouraged, Psalty is left alone and hears the Lord speaking to him.  God explains that the problem isn't with the music, but with Psalty's heart.  He explains that Psalty, (who is a singing songbook, btw), has been putting faith in his own pages, rather than in God.  Hello light bulb!! 

Once Psalty recognizes the error of his ways and decides to trust in Jesus, the 'God voice' sings, "Fix it.  I'm gonna fix it.  You just put your trust in me and I will fix it..."  Then Psalty replies, "Lord I'll put my trust in you, that's the best thing I can do.  I will walk by faith and not by sight, you'll fix it."  Ahhh...such simple songs and simple words, and yet so powerful.  How sad is it that a children's Christmas album, was what it took to humble me and bring me to tears of repentance?  I suppose it's true...the Holy Spirit uses whatever opportunity He can to reach our hearts. 

I then realized that my prayer to help out by crafting, was somewhat thoughtlessly lifted to God, and I never really listened for His answer or guidance.  Instead I tried to fix things on my own.  The $22 that I made at my first boutique, really was just enough.  God knew that I needed to be humbled.  He knew I was missing the point, and rather than bless my socks off through great sales, He knew I needed to be blessed by depending on Him. 

He can take the difficult times in our lives, and what we consider to be our failures, and use them as wonderful teaching opportunities if we let Him.  My prayer for my life and yours, is that we recognize those opportunities and learn from them, rather than be discouraged by them, because those are the opportunities He will use to draw us closer to Him.:)

Have an amazing week!!

A Permanent Resolution

2012 is upon us!  Can you believe it?? 
With the new year, for many of us, come new year resolutions.  We decide we need to make changes and we use the beginning of the year to start fresh.  If you're at all like me, resolutions are quickly forgotten, your old self shines through just as brightly as ever, and by Christmas you've made a resolution for the upcoming year to pick up where you left off the year before.

I did much of that in the past.  Along with whatever new feat I desired to accomplish, there was the usual; start a diet (and stay on it), work out daily, be a size smaller by next Christmas, etc, etc...and by February, as my birthday approached, I realized I liked cheesecake more than vegetables, and being cozy rather than running out in the cold...and the old me settled comfortably back in.

I used to have every excuse in the book as to why I hadn't changed.  I spent a lot of time looking for quick fixes, and pointing fingers at everyone other than myself when things didn't work out.  With each new year, I wished for change, and wallowed in self pity when things didn't go as planned.  I allowed my fear and insecurity to talk me out of whatever it was I wanted to accomplish.  I cried desperate prayers every night to a God I didn't really believe wanted to make me better. 

Then, one beautiful day, I surrendered.  I knew that if I was going to be the person God designed me to be I had to listen to Him, and TRUST him.  I said a prayer, not out of selfishness, but instead with a genuine desire to be close to Him. I told him that I wanted to have a deep and meaningful relationship with Him.  I said that I knew that at times I would fail, but that I didn't want my failures to hold me back from the growth he had in store for me.  For the first time in my life, I accepted the forgiveness, grace, and love that he so freely offers to us and longed for His desires to become my own. 

That was nearly ten years ago.  The difference that year was that I made a resolution, not to make yearly resolutions.  I made a decision to really change.  I resolved to cling to the very best "self help" book ever written.  The book that teaches you to help yourself by letting go of "self" and serving others.  The book that shows you the way, through truth, and offers life.  And I stand amazed at the work God has done in my life. 

So, was I changed overnight???  Definitely not!!  In fact, I even struggled for a few years trying to figure out what I was doing and how to really change.  I read my Women's Devotional Bible, and found great insight and comfort through many of the daily devotions sprinkled throughout the pages, but at times, still felt a little lost.  Baby steps. 

A few years ago I was blessed with new friends.  These were Christian friends whose daily routines were similar to my own.  Through these new friends God reminded me how very crucial it is to spend time with him every day, and he showed me how wonderful it is to participate in a small group Bible study.  He's offered me new growth through fellowship with women who love him.  For that I am blessed. 

So, as I begin this new year, once again I resolve to continue to grow in Christ's love; to acknowledge appreciate, and be content with, the blessings he's bestowed upon me; and to draw closer to Him every day.  I look forward to seeing what He has in store for my family and friends this year.  I look back on 2011, inventory my growth, and evaluate lessons I need to learn from my shortcomings so that I may continue to strive for the perfection Christ modeled for us.  I resolve to love others as Christ loved us and to work diligently to make a difference in the lives of those around me.

It is my prayer that, if you've read this, you, also, will enjoy the best life God has to offer.  I pray that you will continue on your journey through this life with him, and if you haven't taken that step, that you may be challenged to give it a try.  Once you truly experience his love, you won't want to live without it!  May this year's resolution be lasting, and the peace and joy you find this year, surpass anything you've ever dreamt or imagined. 

Happy New Year!!

(and for the sake of silliness...I resolve to find a "healthy" cheesecake recipe by my next birthday.) ;)

The Beauty Behind the Blog

For my first post, I feel it's important to give credit where it is due.
For those of you who may have followed my short-lived Kristen's Korner blog and recognize my photo, I promise that I'm really not lying in my "About Me" bio for this blog when I say that "this is my first attempt at writing my own blog."  "Kristen's Korner."  Yes, that was my blog, and yes, those were my crafts, but technically I've still never written my own posts, on my own blog. 

That blog was created by my good friend, Linda.  She's amazing.  She was helping me with an attempt at making online sales.  She encouraged me every step of the way. And because I'm terrible at computer stuff, she set up my blog, posted my pics, and created/managed my Etsy store.  I know, such a great friend!!   

Linda is a beautiful woman, inside and out, whose heart beats solely for God.  She is an inspiration to me every day.  I'm blessed to know her and I look forward to seeing where God leads each of us in this life.  She's got a gift for writing and can create beauty through her words.  So thankful that God gave me another sister to share my crazy dreams with, and even more thankful that she doesn't judge me for it. ;)

Credit where it's due...Thank you Linda for everything you've done for me, and for the creativity you brought to "Kristen's Korner."  Love you!