Well, guess what! I am back to let you know that I definitely HAVE NOT mastered that skill! UGH!!!
Last month at church I got to sing "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong. I love the lyrics of the chorus;
"Lead me to the cross
where your love poured out.
Bring me to my knees
Lord, I lay me down.
RID ME of MYSELF
I belong to you,
...
Lead me to the cross."
That chorus has been my prayer since about September last year, when I was dealing with some insecurities...(we'll save all that for another post, though...aren't you excited!;))...It's crazy how the words "rid me of myself" are so powerful, and I can feel so passionately about them, praying them night and day, and yet, when I allow myself to be distracted by life all around me, I can almost instantly fall prey to Satan's lies and forget who is really in control of my life.
Whether those distractions come in the form of crafting, exercising, insecurities, or hurt feelings, (and believe me the list goes on and on...), I am continually finding myself crawling back to the cross, humbled and full of shame over the fact that I allowed myself, once again, to step in the way of God's work.
Recently, I've found that that very same conviction can catch up to me while actually trying to be a vessel for His work! Really!? I am trying to help, by allowing Him to guide me, and I STILL mess it up!? Heaven help me!!
Last week I was given the opportunity to talk with a friend of a different faith than mine. This friend is beautiful, and kind, and truly has a servant's heart. Because she is of a different faith, and I am uneasy when it comes to some of her beliefs, I thought it might be good for us to meet and discuss, so I could try to make sense of it all, or be used to plant seeds if that's what God had in mind. I've been praying like crazy, for almost 3 years now, for an opportunity like this one, to be able to abandon my fear and just speak boldly, but GENTLY for the Lord. To share, and ask questions because I don't want anyone to be deceived. So, to prepare for our meeting, I studied the books of her faith a bit, and tried to search for neutral resources to keep me from being biased because let's face it, if I'm the one being deceived, I don't want anything to stand in the way of finding the truth. I prayed and prayed, AND prayed, and then the day came...
And plant seeds I did, right???...well, to be perfectly honest, I think it was more like smacking her with my shovel!! Every time I heard something that, to me, sounded ridiculous or even a bit blasphemous, I would become defensive and try to point out exactly why that was wrong. Don't get me wrong, I believe there may be a time and place for that kind of defense of scripture, but to invite a friend into my home, for a neutral conversation about faith, and then desperately try to make her see things my way...notice I said "my" way;)...I was wrong. I can't pick and choose which fruit of spirit apply to each conversation I have, I need to remember to embrace each of them, always. If I am going to allow God to lead my life, I can't leave Him out of it because I feel that my foundation is being threatened. Just because I feel defensive doesn't mean that He does. If I know that my foundation is built on the unchanging truth that God delivered to us through His word, what is there to defend? So what if someone doesn't agree with me. How can I ever set the example that Christ set for us, by inviting someone to come into my home and then forcing them suffer through my rudeness?
The real truth is that God loves my friend and all people of her faith just as much as He loves me and all people who share my beliefs, and everyone else for that matter. If I am going to do Him any justice, I need to remember that He doesn't need me to defend Him, but instead to be a gentle example of His heart. He is the only one who knows every heart, and it is He alone who will judge in the end.
Matthew 7:14, 21-23 says, "For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it...Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name cast out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; Depart from me you who practice lawlessness." SCARY!!!
While I believe this scripture is also speaking of false religion, I know that it is just as plainly speaking to those of us "Christians" that think we are any better than those who believe differently than we do. God doesn't play favorites. We were all made in His image and His desire is for each of us to choose to love and follow Him. Bashing people of different faiths, either directly or by sarcastically sharing their beliefs with others, is NOT lovingly following the example Jesus set for us. And I am very much guilty of that.
Needless to say, I have spent much time over the last week reflecting over my behavior. I've even sought advice from Christian friends and family members to see if they thought I was wrong. And, they are right, standing up for God is never wrong. But I also know what's going on in my heart. I know what God is trying to teach me. I realize that I need to separate religious debate from loving conversation amongst friends. To be effective, I have to know my audience and act accordingly. By saying that, I don't mean that I need to change my beliefs or adjust the gospel to make it more palatable. I simply mean that God made me soft spoken for a reason. He may stretch me, but I don't think He's trying to turn me from an Andrew into a Peter. (Yes, Kent, I remember that sermon!;) ) I just need to be bold, without being harsh. I don't need to be defensive. I can quietly point people to scripture and allow God to speak for Himself.
But, will I ever truly learn??? Thankfully, the answer to that question is "absolutely, YES!" I will learn. I will continue to mess up, but God is a forgiving God. (Even if I make the same mistakes over and over, I really am trying!! I promise!!) I look back on other changes in my life. They didn't happen over night, and occasionally they still try to creep back in, but because I've allowed God to teach me, and help me grow, I can look forward with confidence that this area in my life will, too, be molded into the shape God desires, if I let Him. I will learn this. And, when I have, I am certain that God will reveal yet another area of imperfection for me to stumble over for a bit, or a decade, or however long it takes to get through my arrogance so that I can be refined and purified for the day that I finally stand in His AMAZING presence. Until then, I will keep reading my Bible, and praying for His wisdom and strength. And I will not allow Satan to have my peace in the meantime, because I know that God loves me right where I'm at, flaws and all!
And guess what!! He feels exactly the same about you too! Don't be discouraged if your life isn't turning out exactly as you've planned. Don't let Satan feed you his lies today. God is bigger than the boogie man! (thank you Veggietales!) He can take even the worst of our decisions and use them for His glory. My prayer is that you find peace embracing that truth today.
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